It seems fitting that I sit here reflecting on December 31. Looking back at 2014, and looking forward to 2015. This year has brought so many changes for me. I moved out of the classroom, to the district as a math coach; from high school, which I have loved for the past 11 years, to elementary, with which I felt overwhelmed at first, but am realizing I am coming to love as much as high school; from someone who felt confident and able to step out and take risks, to someone who has stepped out and is taking risks, and feeling again somewhat unsure and less than confident.
I know these steps are important, and taking risks means that we have to leave our safety net, I didn’t realize that the risks I was taking previously were still leaving me over the safety net. I have had many moments since August where I felt less than capable and unable to be what I felt I was supposed to be. I stepped into this position with so many dreams and plans, and still have them, but as I learn more about myself, my position, and the learning and growth that I am experiencing and will continue to experience, I realize that I needed to make this change. I have been a good classroom teacher, and have a lot to share with other teachers and this position has put me at enough “dis-ease” to realize that I still have a lot to learn along the way. My father has always told me that when you stop living you start to die, and I know that I am not yet ready to die, so I need to continue living. This means I need to continue growing and learning.
I have struggled quite a bit this year. I have made several comments, which I thought were in fun, about becoming “old”, and I’m now realizing that in doing so I made myself feel and believe that I was becoming old. Too old to grow, too old to learn, and too old to dream. I have walked through some difficult feelings the past 3 months, and have come to realize that I still have the right to dream, and that I am only as old as I think I am. I haven’t been able to get to the back to the point of believing in “happily ever after” again, but maybe that’s a childhood dream, and mature dreams are more realistic.
As I look ahead to 2015, I have some plans to for which to strive, and some regrets from the past to leave behind. I have some learning and growing to do, some friendships to renew, and some yet to make. Most of all, I am going to work on creating a dream.
Thank you all for being a part of my growth and my learning. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my twitter buddies, the MTBoS, and my colleagues who have continually encouraged me to be the best I am able to be, and when I achieve that, to dream bigger and better.
Have a blessed 2015 all.